


He Didn’t Love You

by Wolfcry22



Series: Shame [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alive Mary Winchester, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Dean Winchester, Angry Sam Winchester, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Awesome Dean Winchester, Drunk John Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, John Winchester Bashing, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Mary Winchester Being an Asshole, Overprotective Dean Winchester, Past John Winchester/Mary Winchester, Protective Dean Winchester, Sad Dean Winchester, Sad Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26571712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfcry22/pseuds/Wolfcry22
Summary: Dean has the opportunity to let Mary know just how her death and leaving effected his and Sam’s life. (Based on an episode from the show Shameless)
Series: Shame [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883236
Kudos: 57





	He Didn’t Love You

**Author's Note:**

> I know that I’ve done a story like this with John, but I felt like doing one with Mary too. I’ve never been a huge Mary fan. This story is highly AU with Mary being a bit more harsh than she usually was in the series. I just wanted to show Dean standing up to Mary in this series while trying to protect Sam.
> 
> Warning for language and possible triggering themes

Dean stormed out of the bunker with Sam and Castiel hard on his heels. Dean kept his sights on his mother in front of him, who had burst from the bunker as soon as Dean started to say something that she didn’t agree with. Although Dean couldn’t tell whether or not this was truly part of Mary’s personality or not, he was starting to get used to this behavior. If Dean was honest, she was acting more and more like John than Dean had ever expected.

“What the fuck was that,” Dean called after her when she finally started to slow to a pace that Dean could keep up with. He was thankful that Sam and Castiel had the understanding to hang back, but they were still within earshot and would be able to hear everything that was said.

“It wasn’t yours, Dean!”

Dean raised an eyebrow quizzically, jaw set in utter frustration. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Dean would’ve never dreamed of speaking to his mother like this, but so much had been said and done recently that Dean feared this was the only way to get through to her.

“Your father would’ve wanted it for both you and Sam,” Mary began, spinning on her heels with her hand extended forward. Her eyes blazed in frustration as she looked from Dean, to Sam, to Castiel.

“He wanted us to have cursed objects that nearly got Sammy killed?” Dean motioned back to his younger brother, who was still a little unstable on his feet after the ordeal. Castiel was at his side ready to steady him if need be, but he too was much weaker than he wanted to admit because of the fight that had ensued to find the cure for Sam. It had been a long couple of days and Mary wasn’t making any of this easier. “Or that brought Cas’s angel buddies hauling ass to try and kill him?”

“It’s all he had, I’m sure of it. He knew that it could’ve helped you boys in the long run,” Mary continued, attention no longer on Dean. It seemed that she was looking anywhere but Dean’s disappointed and heartbroken gaze.

Disgust twisted Dean’s features as he curled his upper lip. “Geez,” Dean muttered in exasperation.

“You don’t know anything about your father,” Mary gawked fiercely.

Dean’s eyes blazed as hot as burning coals. “He was never here.”

“The man that I knew was funny, and smart, and a wonderful father,” Mary continued on without seeming to realize that Dean had spoken.

“He deserted Sam and me.” Although Dean knew that it wasn’t completely true—John had been around just as much as expired milk—and when he was there he was uninterested at best at their lives. They had only grown slightly interesting to him when they could start being of use on hunts.

Mary threw her hands in the air and curled them into fists. “He loved you boys.”

“That was love?”

“Yes, yes, it is.”

Dean let out a fierce scoff. “Then why did he leave us for weeks at a time in sleazy motels? Why was I the one that looked after Sam, even when he was sick or hurt and cried out for John? Or why did he force Sam and I into a life that we didn’t ask for?”

Mary shook her head. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Dean.”

“If he loved us so much, why did he push us away and treat us like shit?” Dean flicked his had back over to Sam and Castiel, both of whom were standing with round eyes and scared features. “Why did he choose alcohol and hunting over his own sons?”

“John was dedicated to you boys more than any father I knew. He did the best that he could,” Mary argued defiantly. “He loved you and Sam. He tried so hard.”

Dean lunged forward and stood an inch from Mary, nearly nose to nose with his mother. “He was never fucking here! He left! He mentally checked out! I was four.....four and taking care of him....taking care of all of us while he went out hunting supernatural creatures.” 

Mary drew back in surprise at Dean’s outburst, lips pressed into a thin line and shoulders braced back as though expecting Dean to physically attack her. 

“I was the one to act like a father and mother to Sam. I made sure that Sam was fed and protected! I sat with him during his nightmares! I protected him from the man that could barely be considered to be our father!” Dean took in a trembling breath, but it didn’t calm him in the slightest. “And I was here when Sammy got his acceptance letter for Stanford! Not John.......me.” Dean watched as Mary threw her head aside while Dean inclined himself forward once more. “And never you. You were gone!”

From the steps of the bunker, Sam stiffened and tried to take a step forward. Castiel reached up a hand and tightened it around Sam’s bicep to pull him back. “Let go, Cas,” Sam spat as he tried to rip his arm from Castiel’s impressive grip.

“Dean has to do this on his own,” whispered Castiel into Sam’s ear. “This is a battle only he can fight.”

Dean’s eyes trained of his mother as Mary took a step back, eyes dull and lip quivering. Part of Dean told him that he should back off of her, but another part told him to go for the jugular. Mary needed to know what had happened to her children after she died and this seemed to be the only way that she would listen. 

“He was an asshole, and a drunk.”

Mary kneeled down with furious eyes glued on Dean. “Enough,” she warned.

“He didn’t love me.” Dean’s voice broke as he hovered over Mary. Tears welled in his eyes as he crouched down, strategically keeping his voice low and dangerous. “He didn’t love you.”

Distraught, pleading eyes met Dean’s. “Please.”

Dean straightened with his back braced back and his shoulders taunt with tension. “I’m glad he’s dead. At least now he can’t fuck us over anymore.” With that he barged backwards without so much as a look back over his shoulder to see if Mary was coming. He couldn’t care less at that point and the only thing that he needed to focus on was spending time with Sam and Castiel until their lives went to shit as they always did. This was supposed to be more a joyous occasion and it was anything but. 

He pushed past Sam and Castiel, who were waiting expectantly to talk to Dean. Unfortunately, Dean made no sign that he wanted to stop and talk even when Sam called his name, almost begging his brother to turn around and look at him. Dean was too far gone to be able to be reasoned with. 

Sam and Castiel followed Dean into the bunker almost hesitantly. Awkwardness settled through the bunker once Castiel saw Dean storm toward his room and slam the door behind him. The force of it sent shockwaves through the wall and had Castiel stiffening. Even so, he felt like he needed to check on him to make sure that the eldest Winchester was alright after that heated discussion he had with Mary.

Castiel hovered just in front of Dean’s door with his hand raised into a slight fist that was ready to knock at the door. He debated whether or not to turn around and forget about it, especially since he could just imagine Dean’s furious gaze boring down on him. However, his thoughts raced back to the times that Dean had forced him to talk when he didn’t want to and that had ultimately done good for him in the long run. Castiel wanted to offer the same assurance that Dean had given him.

He started to knock on the door softly first before it turned into a much stronger knock. Castiel could hear a low grumble from inside. “Leave me alone,” snapped Dean within. 

Castiel tilted his head although he was aware that Dean couldn’t see him. “It’s Castiel. May I please come in?”

There was a growl and shuffling from within as Dean headed to the door. He unlocked it and swung it open, gesturing wildly. “Get in, Cas, before I change my mind.”

Castiel knew that Dean wasn’t kidding around and he quickly rushed in before Dean could change his mind. His brilliant blue eyes flickered as he looked around Dean’s room. There were a couple items hung up and pictures on the dresser. It was a harsh contrast from the bland and impersonal space that was Sam’s room. Castiel had only been invited in a handful of times to either Winchesters’ room and it often brought with it thoughts of Castiel having his own space.

“What are you doing here,” Dean questioned harshly from where he was sitting at the foot of his bed.

Castiel suddenly realized that he had been standing almost rigid, thoughts anywhere than with Dean. “I came to check on you,” Castiel answered evenly. “I thought that you may be upset.”

“And why would you think that,” Dean huffed sarcastically.

Castiel stood, stunned, unsure of what to say next. His mouth opened only to close rather abruptly, realizing that he had no idea what to say. His head bowed and he suddenly wondered whether this was a terrible decision. 

Dean noticed the distraught and hurt look on Castiel’s face and embedded into his eyes. A stirring of shame wormed its way through Dean as he scooted over and patted the open space. “C’mere, Cas.”

Castiel started forward and sat down slowly beside Dean, giving Dean space. Dean attempted to draw Castiel’s gaze, but the angel was strategically placed anywhere besides on Dean. He knew that he had to explain to Castiel why he had said what he had said and why he felt the way he did. 

“Cas, can you look at me, please,” pleaded Dean without trying to sound like he was whining.

Castiel shifted before lifting his head so that he could look to Dean. His liquid orbs rounded in concern, body slightly stiff. “I am looking at you, Dean.”

Dean couldn’t help but grin. “Yeah, Cas, you are.” He coughed to clear his throat. “I know that you probably think that I was being harsh with my mother, but you have to see where I was coming from. She chose our father and he turned out to be an asshole to Sam and me. It’s just that—“

“You don’t have to explain it to me, Dean,” interrupted Castiel with a hint of surprise in his voice. Dean almost never apologized, even when he was wrong. “I understand the way that John and Mary hurt you and Sam. I can’t fully feel what you do, but I know that you have been let down by the two people that vowed never to do so. You were right that you were the one to raise Sam and you did a good job. You know that, don’t you?”

Dean snorted harshly in disagreement, head tipped back while he pushed Cas’s shoulder brashly. “Yeah, we’re talking about the same kid that became addicted to demon blood, killed Lilith and almost started the Apocalypse, right? Yeah, I’ve done a real great job, Cas.”

“You’re too hard on yourself. You’ve done more for Sam than anyone else. It’s not your fault what happened.” Castiel’s voice grew from gentle to concerned. “You know that, don’t you?”

Dean ran his palms down against his legs to his knees. “I don’t know. Maybe a little, but I still feel like a failure more often than not. Sometimes I can’t believe this is actually my life.”

Castiel’s head tilted ever so slightly, eyes gleaming worryingly. “Do you feel your life is unaccomplished?” 

“No, not unaccomplished but certainly different than what I ever anticipated.” Dean brushed a hand against his forehead and sighed loudly. “But, what do I know?”

Castiel was used to Dean’s prolonged self deprivation and often struggled to reassure him. That didn’t mean that Castiel was going to stop, especially when he cared so much for Sam and for Dean. He would do anything and everything possible to help them. “I trust you know more than you say. There’s a reason that things have happened the way that they have to you, Dean. You must know that.”

It didn’t help much for Dean to think about his past and what his childhood was like. Plenty of other people had sob stories; it didn’t give anyone the right to turn into an asshole. 

“Yeah, I guess.” Dean grunted as he rose to his feet and headed over to the entrance of his room. He swung the door open and leaned through the overhang, rocking back on his heels. “I had better go and make sure Sam’s alright. Kid’s puppy-dog eyes still work on me the same as they did before. Need anything else?”

Castiel wasn’t sure if Dean was asking him he to leave his room or not. For the moment he wanted to stay where he was. “No, Dean. I am fine.”

Dean nodded curtly. “Good, because I sure as hell ain’t and I’m not sure I ever will be.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was slightly different than the one that I did on John while having the same them. I hope that you all enjoyed and are staying safe and healthy!


End file.
